Well, now that I’m 51 plus some months, I guess it’s time for me to reflect on turning 50. The first thing I realized is that I’m a procrastinator. The second thing I realized is that this is my second entry since I created this blog almost two years ago. Is this the start of a new outburst of creative will? Have I finally decided to post my most intimate thoughts in the public square? Only time will tell but the smart money won’t be betting on it.

The third thing I realized is that I don’t feel 50 . . . uh, 51. There’s never been a point at which I felt “old.” Okay, so getting my first AARP membership offer was a bit of a downer, but other than that, life is still going well. It’s only when I get around to actually thinking about how long its been since I was in high school that I feel wistful. Those years were a time that were part of my youth (but oh how adult I felt) and one of the main corner posts of my life.

Before high school, I was a child and all of my mistakes were those of a child. It’s much harder to let go of things that happened during high school and later: all the mistakes I’ve made and the stupidity I’ve shown along the way, the people I’ve hurt, or those who’ve hurt me. The inability to express my feelings, and the dear cost associated with that. Unfortunately, these are in the past and, unlike some mechanical device, they can’t be fixed regardless of how much I want to try. These are the regrets that still haunt my quiet moments.

But the good things, now those are a different story. I cherish these more and more — Pam’s and my wedding; the accomplishments of our children and the firsts in their lives; the good times we spend with our friends; my successes and the pleasure I get from my work. Whatever bad things have happened in my past, the good times outweigh them all and the promise of the future keeps me going.

So, what is there left to do after hitting the half-century mark? Hmmm . . .

• Since Pam and I married rather later than most, our children are still in school (Jake just entered high school this year) so we have graduations to look forward to, as well as marriages and the richness they can bring to the family.
• I’m an amateur genealogist, so I want to have the time to research my family tree. Yes, I know that it doesn’t really matter who my ancestors really were or where they really came from since we are all related, but I’m the kind of person who wants to know anyway. And at this point I’ve got most of the low-hanging fruit, so now the real work begins. Looks like a trip to Salt Lake City and the Family History Library there. (And also to Ohio, Virginia, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, New York, England, Ireland, Norway, Sweden, Germany, Russia, . . .)
• I still need to make my first million. Not gross earnings, but net in the bank. Cold, hard, negotiable cash.
• I still need to have my mid-life crisis, and it better happen soon. I don’t want to go nuts when I’m 65.
• Another long cruise. A couple of years ago we took our first cruise to Alaska (see the Images -> Alaska Vacation from our family page) and it was hard to accept when the trip was over and we had to return to the real world. Now I want to go on an “around the world” cruise with Pam. After four months or so, it should be close to impossible to return to real life.

All in all, life is good. The bitter only makes the rest taste sweeter.

Now, if I can loose a little of my mid-life bulge, I hope to someday write my reflections on turning 100. Probably when I’m 102.